Socio-Pathetic: Confessions of a Serial Writer

Life is good.

2006-06-05T16:52:00.000-07:00

So, it's been awhile.

I really have nothing to write about, but I found out that my husband actually checks this site periodically to see if I've posted anything new. He'll be sad to know I'm putting off updating our guild website so that I can ramble for you. But what else is new? I'm lazy. Perhaps that's why I decided not to go back to college.

I am teaching though... Ha ha ha. The joke's on college. I'm a substitute teacher. I make about as much as a first year teacher. I don't get benefits, but I don't need them. I don't have to make a lesson-plan, just follow one. I don't have to deal with inter-office politics, just ignore it. And I don't have to worry about calling in sick, just not picking up the phone if it rings at 6:00 am.

Life is good. When I want to, I watch my neighbors' kids for the comic relief after a hard day. I come home to my wonderful husband. Summers, my brother may crash on my couch after a late night of computer games using our DSL connection; I get to cook him breakfast the next morning. Our insurance covers my therapist. And my mom has given up trying to pressure me into giving her grandchildren until we're ready. (This does not mean she has stopped cooing at babies in public places...)

I bought my neighbor's son ice cream as a treat for being good when I took him out earlier. He will probably be bouncing off the walls tonight when his dad puts him in bed. I smile. I remember that he will most likely get even when I have children and his kids baby-sit for me...

I don't mind. Life is good. I have enough calls coming in to keep me working 5 days a week and I make enough to keep my husband and myself properly fed, safe, and entertained.

Like I said, I really didn't have anywhere to go with this. But it's ok because life is good.

When I was your age...

2006-05-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when my parents get that look of nostalgia on their faces and I hear the words, We never had those... or worse, When I was your age, I end the sentence with the words, "and we walked both ways barefoot, in the snow, having had nothing but rocks and sticks for breakfast, and we were glad to have it too!" This usually pulls them back into the schism of reality known as "now" and without much effort, they rejoin the rest of us suffering folk.

The other day, while at the mall, I saw a kid with a cellphone- and when I say kid, I mean, this guy was like... eight... AT THE MOST. My mind scrambled for an alternative but I found myself swimming in a sea of irony. "When I was your age..." echoed in my brain for at least ten minutes, or at least until I passed the coffee kiosk. I bought and paid for a soy caramel latte and took comfort in the fact that the eight year old would probably rather chew glass than gulp down the steaming goodness in my hand.

I don't think I'll ever feel old. My little brother just graduated college (though he will be going back for his masters degree). But even though I watched the little nugget of annoyance plod across a stage and get handed his diploma, I still felt like it was OK. I might be the older sister watching her little brother become a man (metaphorically speaking, of course), but even that Kodak moment wasn't enough to strangle the childhood out of me. Which led me to a VERY happy thought: If I was able to make it through the event symbolizing the end of my younger brother's childhood without flipping out, then I will NEVER grow old!

Hallalluiah! Now where's the cake?

As an interesting side note, my Dad asked me if I regretted not participating in my own college graduation ceremony. Without hesitation, I said that I did not regret it at all. This question, I'm sure, stemming from having watched his son make a merry jaunt across the platform. But even while I understood the necessity of my brother's walk, I realized synchronously my own need not to. It would mean one step closer to growing up- and I refuse!

Antipolis & The Great Teaching Adventure

2006-04-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

I'm finally running my own campaign in Dungeons and Dragons. Ultimately I would have prefered to have 6 people playing, but circumstances determined that this should not be so.

I wrote this whole world up and created a player's guide and so forth. All ready I find that I enjoy putting a lot of time into a really fulfilling adventure. I thought it might drive me nuts, but it has yet to do so... Update later on to see if this is still true.

As for the rest of my life- I find it almost ironic that I'm pretty much back to square one. I originally went to college at a community college in order to transfer my credits to a university and get my teaching certificate. Once I changed my mind about the school, I thought maybe I should change my major, so I never got a teaching certificate either. I double majored and basically became a useless graduate.

Ha ha ha! But now, now I am subbing for the local school districts, and I'm actually enjoying it. I figured that my life choices had pointed me away from teaching, but financial pressures have forced me into now, despite that. And I like it.

Tim suggested I go back to school and get my teaching certificate. While I'm not dissaproving of the idea, I'm not exactly happy to jump back into the college life. I loved college more than any other school experience, but now I'm not so fond of the extra expenses, the text book resale joke, the completely unnecessary classes that have no purpose except to fill credit hours.

But hey, maybe it is for the best.

We'll see.

(As a side note: I have to add a link to this particular episode of Order of the Stick... It's just really funny.)

http://www.giantitp.com/oots/oots0307.gif

For the record

2006-02-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

It's been over a year, and I still don't regret not having walked at the graduation ceremony.

Update in another year.

College Daze

2006-02-02T15:05:00.000-08:00

I'm only 24. I don't feel old, but I remember college. It's strange, but I clearly recall a push for collegiate excellence. Ironically, I am not only NOT using the education I received there, but I'm missing the few times I shirked "excellence" and partied so hard I couldn't remember the entire night.

I wouldn't say that I was reckless in any sense of the word, but I was a dork. I studied like crazy, got practically straight A's (only a very few exceptions) and I rarely stayed out so late that I wouldn't be able to make classes the next morning. I had one class which I repeatedly skipped because the rest of the class did too it was so worthless. My good friend Ronny (name changed to protect the guilty) and I used to leave class just as the proff was entering; it was definitely not a secret. He's now a huge acronym somewhere in D.C. doing grown-up things and making a living in the same field as the class we skipped. I feel no remorse. I got to spend time with a good friend and skip a worthless class right around lunch when we needed a brain break anyway.

Point is, I missed out on a lot of other things I could have been involved in. I did do a lot of extracurricular stuff, but most of it was in some way related to my resume getting a boost. I didn't dislike any of it- I wouldn't have done it if I did. I made a lot of friends, too. But when it came to getting down with my bad self, I rarely ever let fun get fun.

A few times, I went to one particular club where I knew no one. I wasn't dating anyone at the time, and I would dance until I was sweaty, then sit down and have a glass of wine and enjoy the sights and sounds of FUN until I was ready for another round, and had emptied my drink. (For safety purposes it's safer than leaving your drink alone).

My husband isn't the partying type, so we don't really go out like that. The few times I have gone out partying with him, we come home much earlier than I would have on my own. So now the problem is, if I'm not out partying with him, then I can't really go out partying. I know that neither he nor I would feel comfortable with me going out with a group including guys if he wasn't included too.

And so now I come back to the concept of college. I am actually considering going back. If I can get my Teaching Certificate and another bachelors in Lit, then I'll actually be able to do something with all that education I received. - And maybe I'll get to party my ass off once more.

A shout out to my partner in crime, "Ronny". This one's for you, and hoping that I get another class I can skip all the time. I'll think of you when I do.

Welcome back to As the World Turns

2006-01-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

Previously, on As the World Turns, Erin started working as an office manager for a privately owned Florist, working as hard as she could. Can Erin outrun the inevitable? Can she manage to hide from the horrible economy? Can she dodge the rocks flung in her direction because she ended up wearing the "Scapegoat" hat? The answers, next on eblogger50!

Boss's Lackey: I'm sorry; we just don't need you anymore! It's not you- well, actually, we made up this list of bogus reasons why it is you so we don't have to give you unemployment or a severance package. Here.

Erin: But, but, I thought you loved me!

Lackey: It just... it's not me! I'll pass on any reasonable issues you would like to have me tell the boss.

Erin: I thought the boss needed me!

Lackey: The boss did. The boss thought you were great, but that feeling sort of went away in the last few weeks with everyone around them messing up! It's not their fault, they just needed someone to blame.

Erin: But why me? I worked so hard! I had no warning- no chance to change, to be what the boss wanted me to be! Oh woe is me! What do I do?

Lackey: Pack your things.

Erin: Wait... Oh woe is me? Who's writing this thing? Someone hand me a pen, I'm gonna make some script changes.

Lackey: Hey, wait! What are you doing???

Erin: I'm gonna leave. I'm not taking any more crap. Tell the boss I'm gonna talk to a lawyer. See ya!

That's not exactly how it happened, but I think the point is made.

My favorite reasons for being fired included losing something I was never given, messing up on things I didn't do, and changing something I didn't change (because hey, if the boss didn't do it, and I'm the only other person who inputs data, then I must have done it.)

But my all-time favorite was "Not being a team player" which I found particularly amusing with all the overtime hours I put in off the clock, and the total lack of anyone being nice to me.

For example: One day I colored my hair a completely different color and no one said anything on that day or any day after. Not even "Oh man, let me get a hat for you..." which at least would have indicated that it was noticed. I was told my birthday would be celebrated upon my return on the next Monday (that was something they tried to do for employees, I was told) - I never even got a Happy Birthday. Lunch was bought for everyone on the company tab- my order was never taken. Upon entering in the mornings on Monday, employees often went around and asked how everyone else's weekend was. While I often asked others, I was never asked in return, EVER. While I was employed there, the boss wrote an employee handbook, to which any reference to my position was ignored, including those things I dealt with on a daily basis.

How does one become a "Team Player" when one is excluded from the team?

I need to listen to my instincts. My instinct told me that I had ZERO job security there. I knew that I needed to make myself completely necessary, filling a newly-created job, so I offered to come in on days off, stay after hours, deal with complaints, etc. But the whole time, I felt like my desk wasn't my desk, my time wasn't of value, and my necessity was zero. Even though I felt like I was an asset to my family being employed, I realize that I was just a scapegoat for my employer.

I loved the work. That's the big bummer. I did EXACTLY what I love to do: Multitasking, while still interacting with people.

I'm gonna be a housewife for awhile. I'll keep the house clean, make sure the laundry gets done on time, and all the while, keep on writing. Because, to be honest, it's the writing that keeps me sane. And I'm not talking about blogging or writing in a journal. I mean the thought-provoking character-creating writer's block-kicking writing that goes beyond my own explanation. I have beautiful stories that I can't wait to get published. I have ideas for practically every genre. I guess the only place left to be optimistic is in my getting published someday. Call me a wuss, but I'm too chicken to let someone shoot that down too.

I think I'll take up a job as a professional cafe writer. Watch out Starshmucks, here I come!

You answered a reference question where?

2005-12-14T14:29:00.000-08:00

So, ((cue ominous music)) for the masses, I bring you the return of the Author!!! ((Cue Crack of Thunder)).

My Christmas play went surprisingly well. After the general chaos, which occurs when one places large numbers of small children on a stage for rehearsal, settled, my assistants and I were able to run through the play not once, but twice, during which time the kids sang their little miniature hearts out, acted out, and sat down-stood up-sat-down-and stood up about 65 times, I called a break for the pizza party. I think I may have broken them though, as during the very last song on the day of the show, they just sort of lost it.

Maybe it was just too much. The song with only one verse, which so many of them had belted out with gusto multiple times the day before, became a sort of ballad where, instead of singing more slowly to account for the change in tone, they simply began singing every few words, and at 1/3rd the volume. They compensated though. At the very end, one of the girls, an eight year old whose parents just adopted her from Ukraine, got to do a sweet little "Thank you so much!" in Ukrainian at the very end, which was to be followed by another little boy saying "The End." She got her "Thank you very much" out and that was all she wrote. I felt bad since the little boy didn't get to add in his one real line in the play to say "The End", but parents were on their feet clapping and cheering, and I'm pretty sure my goal of making Natasha feel like a part of the church family succeeded. I'll have to give David something nice since no one even heard him.

As a side note, this was one of those things people refer to as "A valuable learning experience." Which is a nice way to say, "It made me nuts, but I'm masochistic enough to want to do it again next year." I worried enough to put on weight. I called it off twice. I slipped at one point and said something really bad in front of the pastor's daughter, which I was pretty sure would bring an end to the play in the first few weeks of general rehearsal. But in the end, everything worked out. There were four major roles, played by older kids who rehearsed once a week for about 4 weeks. Then there was a chorus and the ensemble. Kids in these were interchangeable depending on the scene. The kids were handed a CD including all the music, and then there were three rehearsals and one dress rehearsal. Apparently, this is way more than the Pastor did when he ran the Christmas Play. I just thought it made sense to do this many.

But, like I said, I'll be doing this next year. I'm also the "Youth Drama Director" now, for our church, which means I'm even more masochistic than I thought. It's the only real way for me to be involved in drama at my age (out of school) and I also get to work with kids (which makes me a hero to parents when I tell them to drop their kids off with me for a few hours on the weekend). Two wonderful flavors combined! Crunchy with a chewy candy center. Yum!

Completely unrelated is the reason for the naming of this post. When you've had as many jobs as I have, in as many directly unrelated fields, you tend to know the answers to a wide range of questions.

I'm sure, at some point, this exact thing has happened to me. Now, since this type of thing has happened so very often, I can't pinpoint one specific question or location. People must look at me and think, "Wow, there's someone who can answer an obscure question in the most untraditional of settings. Let me think of something to ask her."

I'm telling you; people MUST THINK THIS ABOUT ME, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!!!

Another "New" Job

2005-12-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

I am employed again. We'll see how long it lasts. The shoe job never flew. I was an employee for 30 minutes before my first shift started, and then I was let go. Well, that's fine with me, since I love my current job. But then again, I could be writing another blog in some odd few months about being re-employed, or worse- unemployed. But for right now, it's flowers. Kind of the opposite of shoes. And I work with a great company, and great people. I'm adding on to this, so hopefully no one will notice the change. My world could come crashing down around me... Someone could stop me and say, "Hey, you changed your blog and it's still labeled as being written from that day!" And to that I would say "Ne."

I wonder what my most important asset is. If I were in any other job, it would be clear what I would need to have in order to succeed, and my asset would then be clear. If I were a stripper, it would be my body. If I were a firefighter, it would be resolve. If I were a painter, it would be my hands, or my attention to detail, or my business savvy, compelling me to trademark a name like, "Painter of Dark" or something. I was going somewhere important with this. Now it doesn't seem as important as getting myself a trademarked name. Oooooh, and some publicity! I wonder if I can send out a press release with my new title and get rich...
----
Organizer of Messes, Erin L, will be appearing in your home town on January the 15th to personally sign messes. Tickets are available through ticket master, or charge by phone!
----

As a long and completely unrelated sidenote:
I'll be checking in, no doubt, after the chaos of the "Season of the Spirit" has settled. For a season dedicated to peace, joy, and goodwill toward man, I sure have seen an awful lot of angry and frustrated waitstaff, clerks, and associates. I think someone forgot to tell them that this is a season of love, and joy, and they need to stay happy and smiling during mandatory overtime starting at 5am the day after Thanksgiving.

Who came up with that, anyway? People need to shop so badly the day after Thanksgiving, that the mall department stores were staffed and open at 5am the next morning. Kmart let people in before that, so shoppers could get a look at the "Great Deals" available only at 5am that day, and they would be the first ones to get those "Great Deals". Once the chimes rang five, shoppers could beat each other down to get those coveted "Great Deals" and then race, Indy style, to the check-out lanes where employees who had worked the day before prepping the store, now stood, surreal and comatose, with coffee-plastic smiles plastered to their faces, ready and willing to take crazed, blood-covered shoppers' credit cards. Merry Christmas.

I think a friend of mine said it best when he said that most parents could really show their kids the meaning of Christmas by openning their credit card statements this year, right? Don't we have year after year of new credit card holders learning the ways of their forefathers in the time-honored tradition of the 'Day after Thanksgiving Sale'?

>>Come on kiddo, you are now old enough to learn the rites of maturity.

>But Mom, I'm tired. I'm full of Turkey and I only have another day off before classes start again!

>>Tough, get in the car.

>It's still dark out!

>>It's like that in Michigan all day long this time of year. Here's your charge card. You are required to max it out, or you will fail.

>Won't that mean a huge interest rate, compiling until it's completely paid off?

>>That's the idea.

>I don't understand.

>>You will when you're older.

And if you have no ha'penny then God Bless you... If you have no ha'penny then God Bless You.

I sell shoes, and you?

2005-10-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

I have a college bachelor's degree in written communication. I have a secondary major in History. I have more than 3 years experience in office management. Now, I sell shoes for $6 an hour plus commissions.

My husband and I own a house. It's our first house, and as such, with the down payment and monthlies so far, I think we own the doors (including the knobs!) but it's ours to fix as we like. Right now, there is no floor in the kitchen, just cement slab, and a big hole in the roof in the three seasons back deck. There's something wrong with our toilet, newly installed, that I can't get fixed until later this week, and the plans for our addition are thumb-tacked to my bulletin board until at least next spring.

Do you know why? Because I was looking for a job. I live in Michigan- right now, that's unfortunate. The economy is in a horrible slump, and jobs for those without a lifetime of experience are few and far between. Not to mention that those with all that experience are taking jobs as entry-level employees because that's the only level hiring.

My family, my husband's family, and my husband's STABLE job are here. I'm not about to pack up because the mitten's getting a little tighter.

My little brother (he's about 7" taller than me) is an engineer. He graduates this year with his bachelor's degree but he's staying for his master's. Smart kid. Maybe I should go back to school. But do what? Get a master's in writing so I can continue to look for jobs that don't exist? No thank you. I don't have the patience, or the appetite, to live on oatmeal and ramen noodles that long.

At least I got a job. I keep telling myself that. There are some people who would take any job they could get, and here I am. I get to sell shoes at a whopping six bucks an hour. I should count my blessings!

It's a little degrading though, you know? I didn't have to go to college to sell shoes. I could have gotten this job straight out of High School and done just as well. As it is, a good portion of my paycheck will go to pay off student loans that I didn't need to accumulate. The irony gives me a headache.

I was raised with the rest of generation Y'ers to believe that everything can be bright and sunny and shiny all the time. That's what they showed us on the filmstrips when we had substitutes. The filmstrips neglected to mention credit card debt, second mortgages, and ulcers. Wow, sign me up! I wanna be a real adult too!

Orson Scott Card is My Hero

2005-10-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.ornery.org/essays/warwatch/2005-09-11-1.html

What I didn't know going in was that Orson Scott Card, famed author of Ender's Game, was still writing!

But beyond that, he is writing great things. Commentary on everything: The world, things he sees, movies, etc... It's called Uncle Orson Reviews Everything. He has weekly columns and he writes about, get this, STUFF!

But I have to applaud the man for his ability to see past traditional writing style. He writes columns the way most people write web blogs- as though he knows each and every person who will read it. He talks to you. As in, he takes moments to reflect on peoples' reactions to what he's writing.

It's easy enough to do as a good writer. When you're a good writer, the words just sort of pour out in front of you. You think them, and your thoughts become words on the page. And when you're in the middle of a thought and you stop to think, "That sounds really dumb," then that's talking to your audience. You write that in there too. You say, "That sounds really dumb, but hear me out on this..."

I envy the man. (Envy is one of the seven deadly sins, but I couldn't think of another appropriate word that I liked.) I've looked at the rather LARGE stack of sci-fi he's written and said, "I wish I could get published..." and after a pathetic whimper, gone back to my fear of being rejected, and stayed safe in my hole with my computer and my husband asking me if I remembered to eat today while I was writing. We writers get that way sometimes.

Oh, and perhaps the most important things about OSC that I am in favor of- I agree with his politics.

Probably makes me biased that his writing is so great seeing as I also agree with where he's coming from, but oh well. It's my opinion, and I happen to share it with a famous guy. Whoopdee-freakin'-do.

So, if OSC ever reads this and thinks, "Some chick who thinks she can write is dissecting my writing style," I would respond with, "You're the idiot who went and got himself published. I stayed in my nice little hole." Then I would quickly ask for forgiveness and beg to sleep on the sidewalk outside his house for a week, just to be near him. I'm kidding of course. About the one thing, not the other...

Insomniac's Journal #2

2005-10-04T01:22:00.000-07:00

The night is young and you’re so beautiful.

It’s not that late yet. Only 1am here, but I’ve had so much Pepsi tonight with dinner, I’ll be peeing until 3am and be awake until 11pm tomorrow.

I’m not good at much. I have certain abilities though- such as cleaning, organizing, using things I already have to make other things, kissing, and cooking. I also read pretty quickly, and I’ve been known to write as well.

Unemployment is mine enemy. I find myself in miserable conditions because I am unemployed, and because my anti-depressant doesn’t work now. Laugh all you want; I’m the traditional writer: Insomnia, Depression, and an acute sensitivity known to others as being “melodramatic”. Luckily, I’m not an alcoholic. I can find beauty in something as small as a single daisy, and irony in a McDonald’s sign.

Speaking of which, I had to laugh at the McDonald’s sign today. While passing through the drive-through, I caught sight of the preview for the kid’s meal toys. On the left half of the window was a sticker showing miniature Madam Alexander dolls, dressed in their frills and bows. On the right was a picture of Tak, the new videogame soon-to-be-TV-star-action-hero-witch-doctor. The kid was wearing a loincloth, and had hair that was quite matted. So, for the female pre-pubescents, we have a picture of gentile, polite, titled, bowed and frilled girliness. And for the boys, rampant animal instinct, adventure, paganism, and a side of bad hygiene. And we chastised Mattel for Barbie- sheesh!

All Lunacy aside, I know I wouldn’t mind going back to the days of beanie babies, with parents lined up around blocks. Wouldn’t you?

And the winner is...

2005-10-02T11:53:00.000-07:00

I've decided it's probably not a bad idea to list things here. For example, web comics I like, music I appreciate and perhaps bad things that I wouldn't wish on anyone. So, for your viewing pleasure (or detrement) I give you the first three of many lists to come.

Web comics I like- These are the ones I actually have on my linkbar, the ones I check every day (or every Monday, wednesday, and friday...)

Real Life
Comic Strip "Unshelved"- formerly "Overdue"
Ctrl+Alt+Del
Penny Arcade
Megatokyo
The Order of the Stick

I also have a link up there for my Guild Wars Guild's Web page-
Sword of the Dragonfly

List 2-
Music I like:
Apollo 440
The Queen of the Damned Soundtrack
The Scorpion King Soundtrack
Both Tomb Raider movie's soundtracks
That music now labeled "Dark Alternative"
Nine Inch Nails
Late 90's Punk- before it involved commercialism
Aerosmith
Any music Joss Whedon has used
Most music Kevin Smith has used
Alternative minus the new "ballad" crap that's coming out
Electric Light Orchestra (ELO)
and there are about a million more, so I'll stop now.

List Number III-
Things I wouldn't wish on anyone! A sarcastic look at the world...

1. Shopping for shoes for an entire day
2. High School
3. Stupid co-workers
4. Cleaning up cat arp
5. Exploding Teeth- See "Biggest Fear" Top right corner
6. The wrath of a thousand monkeys with fleas and body odor.

Insomniac's Journal #1

2005-09-08T02:32:00.000-07:00

Writers... Huh.

I heard a funny joke once. Does an atheistic dyslexic insomniac lie in bed wondering if there is a Dog?

I thought this was funny as I read a little Taming of the Shrew, browsed through a biography of Poe, and read a few essays from a book about why one of my favorite TV series’ was cancelled.

Tonight I was compelled to wonder, ‘If I wrote a book in Middle English, or even Shakespearian English, would people read it?’ Then I got into this whole discussion with myself. Sure, it may be beautiful to hear, but unlike those times, people don’t hear books, they are literate and read them themselves. So, perhaps I’d get a few people interested in the historical accuracy of it, but my readership base would be small. But why not? Why not write in the beautiful context, rich with metaphors, rife with synonyms that vibrate off the page, and filled with language curlicues that make speech so beautiful? Because we don’t have to. The history of the language is interesting- at least for me. But that’s not reason enough to revert. Most people don’t give two figs about the reasons why we say, “Darn it,” or what the word “Chivalry” really means. We have our own things to think about. But I’d like a following. So if you find yourself up after midnight, unable to sleep, but lacking anything to think about, open up Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, or flip to your favorite passage in King Lear. Better yet, go for traditional and entertain yourself with Mark Twain. And when you get to one of his quotes and are inspired to know that that is where that quote comes from, think of me.

Insomnia doesn’t really interest me, so I try to avoid it.

Careers in Superhero Fields

2005-09-07T21:55:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me a link to another friend's blog at blogger.com and I decided I liked this layout more than livejournal.com, so I moved all my livejournal history here and here I go. I hope that was as confusing to you as it was for me.

Insomnia, bane of my existence, and equally icky... being sick. So I doubt I'll make much sense this evening for any of you who read these things.

I wonder to myself: Why isn't my life more like a fairytale? But then I wonder, would I be able to deal with it, if it were? Would I be strong enough? Fast enough? Smart enough? Probably not. I know I'm no superhero. There are too many things wrong with me. Superheroes don't have a habit of pulling their eyebrow hairs out when they're nerveous. They don't have Hypoglycemia or get sick when they don't get enough sleep. I wouldn't last one week in the Nine Kingdoms, seeing as I barely get through a day in the Tenth. What would my superhero ability be? I can speak elequently. I can put on a great show. I can type very quickly (though I wonder if Wonderwoman ever needed to pass a WPM speed test...).

My husband is smart- VERY smart. He is also employed, which makes him super in my mind every day. Getting the right job was easy for him since he never had to job-hunt. He walked across the university graduation stage and into a cubicle and he loves it there. Granted, there are parts of the job he isn't joyous about, but I can't seem to find a job where I wasn't tricked into taking it, or my boss isn't a psychotic. I mean this literally.

I'm talented. I started my own business. And boy, I can organize and plan like there's no tomorrow, but people don't need that, I guess, since I've had no customers besides my family and friends, and they don't pay me. I'm not even worth a secretarial job since I have too much experience.

I have to laugh. In my last few posts I'm all happy and working on my life, but since I have been unemployed, my self-esteem has taken a dive. I used to think I could do anything, but now my time is taken up wondering how to make the best use of the few select parts I have to re-design a closet for best use of space. For under $10, I can make a whole new look for a closet, but it would take an awful lot more to make me a superhero.

Maybe, someday, I'll be super to someone.

Mind Treks

2005-03-18T18:21:00.000-08:00

Trek 1:
We have 12 more days until we own our first home. I was asked by the home insurance guy over the phone if I was excited or not. "No, I'm terrified!" Then I thought about it a bit and amended that to, "OK, about 30% excited, 70% terrified..." He thought that was funny and assured me that the first one is always the hardest. Oh, yay. That makes me feel soooo much better about the now HUGE debt we have.

Fortunately, we are the last of our friend-circle to move (sort of...) so a LOT of our friends owe us favors. It's possible we won't have to hire movers. That saves us about $300 minimum right there. Did I mention that you put the first year's taxes, insurance, and one month's house payment down when you close? See? No one ever tells you these things. You think you have enough to close, and then- whump! More cash needed.

Trek 2:
I had a girl-moment yesterday. We were playing D&D yesterday and I had to ask for a nail file because I broke a nail. Nothing so girly has EVER happened to me before. It felt so foreign, I still get a shiver from it. Anyway, I filed my nail and got the rough edge off, and went back to the game and killed an umberhulk. I felt a little better after that. I just hope the guys don't pick on me for it. I tried to be discreet so no one would here me ask the GM's wife if she had one. I don't know. Except for the free crap people give you because you have a rack, I'm not finding this whole "female experience" one I would try again if given the chance.

I actually did a survey once. I stopped 100 people in the hall in college and asked them a yes or no question. This was for a class, so I didn't feel quite so stupid asking.

"If you could pick the day and the body, and at the end of the day, switch right back to your actual body, would you choose to be a person of the opposite gender?

Here was my pre-test scenario, in other words, what I figured my outcome would be:
The number of men who said no quite outweighed the number of women who said no. I had almost 25% of guys tell me no. Most of the rest said yes, and for different reasons. (They didn't have to tell me why, but they could if they wanted to.) For men who said yes, the majority who answered why, said they wanted to stand naked in front of a mirror for the day. Most said they did NOT want to have sex with a man while in a woman's body. Women who answered why they wanted to be a man said they had no problem having sex with a woman and most wanted to be a person with a high-ranking position in a high-paying job.

Post test data (estimated outcome):
I could tell you all the conclusions this formed, but you'd have to have been there for the discussion this generated in class. Most of the chicks in the room wanted to date the guy who answered that he would be a chick for a day so he could truly understand the crap women put up with.

Actual Data:
Only 16 people answered out of 100 surveyed. Most people did not say why. All but 2 said yes they would switch bodies for a day. Inadequate data for establishing conclusions. So, if you read this, post and tell me what your answers would be. I would be interested to know what actual data I could bring conclusions from.

Wearing "Adult Pants"

2005-01-24T18:19:00.000-08:00

Early twenties. Kids, so you know, the acne that comes from overdosing on sugar? That still happens into your thirties.

I can dress the part, act the part, think the part. But does that make me an adult? I often wonder what would be different if I tacked on 10 years. I'd look older- no doubt due to children- and I'd have experience behind me more than now, but would my life be that different?

I wonder sometimes where I fit into the world. I'm not a child by any means. But I don't have much experience in the "real world". So does that make me a Young Urban Professional? No kids, solid husband, new car (it's silver with a spoiler and turns on a dime. I love it.) and absolutely no where to get to. Now it's time to pay off college loans and make car payments and worry about buying a house. I asked- they won't let you back into college if you're not signed up for courses.

Maybe it's my own perception that I don't seem to fit in anywhere. I am alone with people my parents' age all day in the office. There are things I find to be common sense that others never even think of. With years of training, I'm quite sure of my communication skills. So, I'm not on par with my boss, by any means, but there are things I bring to the table to add to the company.

I still play games.

I still want kids.

I still hate housework.

I still can't stand a messy kitchen.

I still can't warrant buying name-brand when Target is cheaper.

I still appreciate the finer luxeries of life.

I've been married almost 6 months now and Tim and I haven't had a really bad argument yet. I wonder if I'm actually growing up, or if I'm just wearing "adult pants" now. I feel like a six-year-old wearing her mother's clothes and putting on lipstick and clip-on earrings and pretending to go to work. I sit behind my fake computer and pretend to type a letter for my boss. When I'm done, I take a coffee break (really juice because I didn't like coffee then). When I'm done with my coffee break, I decide to help mom bake cookies and so I forget going back to "work" and stand in the kitchen with my mom's skirt hiked up around my waist and my hand in the cookie dough.

It's like they say, Youth is wasted on the young. I never appreciated what I had, but now, more than anything, I wish I could stick my hand in the cookie-dough at two o'clock in the afternoon.

The New & Improved

2005-01-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

So, hurrah! I'm employed. It's a beautiful feeling knowing that now I make enough to pay off all that college tuition I racked up while learning to do what I needed for the rest of my life... Catch 52 or something.

But look on the bright side- I don't have to cook as much since I earn enough to pay for more meals out! It helps too, since now that I'm employed, I just don't have enough energy to cook every night.

Rapid title-change now finds me in the position of "Executive Vice President" when people ask me. Phone companies, telemarketers and so forth find out that I'm important, while my business cards are being printed with my hiring title "Executive Administrative Assistant". I trained as that, so it helps, and this IS what I wanted to do with my life. I happened to fall into the position, too.

The Hubby and I are looking for a house now. We want to live closer to my parents/personal unpaid babysitters. No one ever tells you that House buying is nothing like what you thought it would be. The part that's fun is looking at houses and deciding if they match your needs. The not-fun part is budgeting, saving, mortgage shopping, signing paperwork, and the odious: convincing the husband.

They say a perfect pair just KNOWS that they're perfect for each other. Tim and I are. But that doesn't mean we agree on everything. If we agreed on everything, we could each be single and nothing would really change in our lives. No, we take pleasure in the things we can do without one another as much as those things we do WITH each other. And while house shopping is something we sort of have to do together, agreeing on the house is not something we have to do. I'm still waiting to make a move on a house until he "Okays" the idea. At our age and price range, all you can really hope for is a nicer fixer-upper. Something livable with enough space for kids, and a decent location.

But the house won't resell unless we do some upgrades. That's called Equity. And that's another concept that you can drown in.

Equity. It's this thing that means you have sunken money into your house. In other words, while you can choose to make payments toward the interest only, you don't have to make payments toward the HOUSE ITSELF. Banks love this. They still own your house. However, Equity costs more when you pay it because banks DON'T like it. See how everything starts to become clearly annoying?

So, once our lease on our apartment is up, we have to move. I'm hiring movers since I can't even move the TV enough to dust around it and the paid-off bedroom furniture takes a day just for rearranging alone. I'll let you know how it goes. Forgive me if I have an entire entry of @*^%*&#s. :P

No one kept waiting... (PRE-Blogger)

2004-11-13T18:17:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I wrote last. I hope there was no one kept waiting...

Well, since I have had some major life-changing events in the last few months, I figure I can probably write about them since they aren't going to be changed. I'm pretty confident, anyway.

I graduated for one. I am still waiting for the actual diploma in the mail. Since I didn't graduate during one of the standard semesters, I have to wait to walk. That's fine. It's not a big deal to me even if I don't walk, but everyone keeps telling me I'll regret it if I don't, so I guess we'll see. I now have a double bachelors in History and Written Communication. You wonder to yourselves, "what does one do with those majors?" And I would have to answer, You struggle with finding a job until your student loans come in and then give up and become a receptionist. That's what you do. Why did I even go to College? I could have become a full-time receptionist in 2 years and not paid nearly as much in student loans. Hell, I could have been working for two years already... That's money in the bank. Now I'm too overqualified for entry-level positions, and I'm under-qualified for anything higher than that. Someone throw me some Aspirin, I have a headache called LIFE.

Second thing. Some brilliant person made the decision that it would be absolutely perfect to plan a wedding 5 days after I graduated. (OK, so that person was me...) The stress alone gained me 10lbs. The wedding dress was tight. I look tired in all my wedding pictures. I still have the dress though, and we could rent another tux, and we could have the pictures done again, this time with me alive and thinner... I don't know how my husband would feel about that. He barely lasted through the wedding before he took his suitcoat off. Literally. He has his last picture without his coat on. Granted, it was an August wedding, but I sweated through that whole day covered in layers of tulle (or whatever that stuff is) and when I took off my corset, I had a cup's worth of birdseed stuck to my skin. I won't mention the GLUE they put in your hair, if you're a chick, for your wedding. And the bobby-pins. Over 40. Just want to make that clear. Glue and 40 bobby-pins. I could have been head banging at the wedding and that coif would have held through it all.

Most of our friends made it, and in a couple of cases, some made it from really far away. I don't remember much from the wedding, except that I smiled for so long that my face hurt, and at the end of it all, I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. But no, I was newly married. I had to go to a honeymoon suite and deal with removing all that glue and all those pins and that white dress (now covered in birdseed). My husband found birdseed on my pillow the next morning from my hair, and I had even washed my hair the night before.

Elope. That's all I can tell you. It's safer, cheaper, and quicker. So, yeah, now I'm married. (I love you, TIM!)

I had previously lived with my fiance. It's good advice to move in together- but I should modify that... If you plan on marrying and can make good decisions regarding intimacy, then moving in together helps in the long run because you don't have to deal with the shock of moving in together once you're newly married. You already have all that behind you and now you can focus on being MARRIED. It wasn't so strange, except now I'm Mrs. instead of Miss, and there's SOOOOOO much paperwork to fill out to change your name.

****ADVICE: A recently married friend told me to keep my old driver's license for a year, along with my new one, and then file it away after that. She was right. While YOU know who you are, there is inevitably someone out there (shall we say, a bank, perhaps?) who doesn't believe you. You'll have to change your social security info too, and you need the old card and the new one. Having that little buddy on hand is an enormous time-saver. Even if you never end up using it, you'll know that you still have it, perhaps one day to show to your children. "See Mommy really WAS your age once. And they had cars back then."

So now we're (sort-of) looking for a house. I should say, I am looking around, and he is working every day. When I find one I like that, and that I think he'll like too, then I show him. We make an offer and don't end up getting the house.

---

It's interesting. Being married and having graduated, I finished being a kid on August 20th. But I don't think I'll ever grow up. I still buy Magic cards, play videogames, and play DnD every week with friends. I dare you to tell me the benefit of growing up if it means no longer doing the things I love!

Alpha (Pre-Blogger)

2004-05-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

PRE-BLOGGER

My good friend MajorPlatypus just recently started writing in livejournal format, and I've been doing it the hard way on my webpage (uploading it EACH TIME). So I thought, Why not?

So now I have my own live journal. You all have access to my internal problems, memories, thoughts, and insanities. Congratulations, and I hope you're sitting down.

Pay no attention to that blog without a purpose...

2004-01-10T20:43:00.000-08:00